Curbing party-wired teenagers


I may be mid-40s but I’m still getting invites to lots of parties – 16ths, 18ths, 21sts, flat-warmings – often I turn up with my gate-crashing mates, making a fashionably late entrance.

What’s our trick? Well, while Pink might “get the party started”, we’re more like “the party finishers”.

We don’t drink, smoke, seldom dance, and although often asked (I presume in jest) we don’t strip, either. We can be a bit grumpy, sometimes even pushy.

An often-repeated situation – parents out of town, kids plan a party, it gets out of control, cops show up to break it up.

Our invites come courtesy of concerned teens, stressed parents, worried tenants, irate neighbours, and noise control staff wanting back-up.

Being a “party finisher” isn’t glamorous. We’re not popular. Even people who call us for help sometimes deny any knowledge of why we’ve turned up.

Reactions from those adhering to the Beastie Boys anthem You gotta fight for your right to party! range from drunken blathering of legal rights and passive resistance, to direct confrontation.

So if your child plays the cello and curls up with a novel Saturday night, fine, but if you’re the owner of a run-of-the-mill hormonal teenager and they request a “small gatho”, visions of aggressive gate-crashers, drug overdoses, alcohol poisonings and fights will flood your mind.

Leave your teenagers alone for a weekend and they’ll take it as tacit consent to hold a party. To the teenage brain the desire for reward outweighs the sense of risk.

If they ask to host a party – be there!

Sounds blindingly obvious, but you’d be amazed by how many parents let teenagers have parties in their absence.

Guest lists are like renovation projects. Allow for a 50-100% increase on any limit you set.

Register your party with

publicans find it difficult to monitor a place full of adults, so how can one set of parents expect to control 40, 60, or 80 teens?

Today’s teens binge on vodka like Russians, so if you don’t want to emerge from the experience significantly greyer, or with a corpse on your hands, drop me – Police Partyologist, an email at for full party host survival tips.

Remember, do a good job and you’ll be rewarded by your teen asking when they can have their next party.